T minus Three Weeks and Counting

August 13, 2002

Three weeks - the amount of time I have to enjoy Santa Barbara as my home; see, talk to, and hug my family and friends. Three weeks of living the mediocre existence I've come to accept after graduation. Three weeks to a new life of adventure, challenges, hardships, and hopefully fulfillment. Three weeks until I begin to truly live.

Last night our roommate Brad and his friend Ryan dragged Heidi and I out of the house after 9:00 to go up to Lizard's Mouth to see the meteor shower. It reminded me again of what an amazing place I live in. 

Sunset over Santa Barbara

We hiked for about 10 minutes to the highest rock overlooking Santa Barbara. In one direction you could see all of Santa Barbara, but in the other direction you were immersed in the mountains - rocks, brush and submersed in moonlight. And the stars were amazing. Up there you felt like you were so close - so much closer to the stars than the city. And the breeze was so warm. We laid on the rock, just the four of us. For the first time in awhile I felt like I was truly living. My mind stopped racing (for weeks now it hasn't stopped), and I was able to enjoy the moment completely relaxed, free of any desire to be, or thought that I needed to be, anywhere else. I thought about everything that I love about SB - the ocean, the mountains, my friends, Heidi. And I pondered what my life will be like in three weeks. Will the stars look different? How much more amazing will they be in a place where electricity doesn't exist? Will I have friends to enjoy them with, or will they scare me being out in the true wild, causing me to wish them away? Either way I will be seeing and experiencing more of this amazing place God gave us, and that in itself is worthwhile.

The weeks before leaving to Zambia were busy.  My roommate Heidi and I sold all of our possessions at a garage sale (she joined Peace Corps Turkmenistan at the same time).  I could barely sleep.  The looming unknown of what my life would be like in just one month was unsettling.  The pressure of fitting everything I would need or want in the next 2 years 3 months into 80 lbs of luggage was intense.  One by one I said goodbye to the people I cared most about.

Heidi and I at our going away party

It was difficult, and yet I kept moving forward because I didn't see any other option.  I didn't want to be one of those people who went through life unhappy with how things were, and dreaming that things could be different.  It was the point I finally realized the power I had over my own destiny.  That I could make a difference in my life, and the lives of others.  That it was okay to be afraid as long as I didn't let that fear hold me back from realizing my dreams.