Why I am writing this blog

In some ways I feel this blog could also be titled "Lessons from a Younger Me".  I have always enjoyed journaling, and as I read through my old journals I am amazed by the wisdom I had in my early 20's, wisdom that I feel has been lost in the daily routine of job, diaper changes, housework, and mortgage payments.  Back then I was always looking forward to, and dreaming about my "Happily ever after", the point in time when I would no longer be trying to get somewhere, but be content where I was.  At the same time, being single with few bills, I had the freedom and time to follow whatever peaked my interest - swimming, sewing, creating mosaics, traveling, journaling.  I was young, idealistic, enthusiastic, and had nothing but optimism about myself, my future, and the world around me.

10 years ago, almost to the day, I received a packet in the mail that would forever change my life.  It was my acceptance letter to the Peace Corps - to a country I had never hear of before - Zambia.
I am continually amazed that shy little me had the guts to drop everything and move halfway around the world, to a completely foreign culture and lifestyle.  In making that huge leap I learned a lot about myself, and even more about the world outside of this bubble called America.  I fell in love with the people of Zambia, and was amazed that in their simple lifestyle they were on average happier than the average American.  The slow paced lifestyle was a perfect fit for my easy going nature, and for the first time in my life I had the confident knowledge that I was exactly where I was supposed to be.

10 years later I am living my happily ever after.  I have a handsome, kind, and caring husband, a beautiful house, an awesome kid, and dog to boot.  I love my life, but feel that in the constant rush to accomplish and fit everything into 24 short hours every day, I have lost touch with that wisdom of my innermost self, and that idealistic, optimistic, and slightly adventurous spirit that makes me who I am.  I feel my natural sunny disposition being suffocated by the weight of deadlines, bills, and chores.  Part of it is that without consciously taking time for myself, I shut out the reflective part of myself which gains wisdom and insight by learning through my mistakes, and continually nudges me forward to make me a better person.

As I reread my journals, and post the highlights, stories, and lessons learned from that exciting time in my life, I hope to recapture some of the enthusiasm I have lost, and restructure my life so that the things that matter most to me - my family, home, and self - take priority in my life once again.

Here is what the me of 10 years ago had to say about that pivotal point in my life:

July 17, 2002

I received my invitation to the Peace Corps.  not to South America like I had hoped, but to Zambia, Africa.  A country I have barely heard of, and know just about nothing about.  I haven't officially accepted yet.  I want to discuss with Mom & Dad, and I am scared.  I'm worried I'm not tough enough to live in the middle of nowhere, away from everything I know, without electricity and water, with snakes and bugs and dirt.  

Can I do this?  How can I not?  I involves just about everything I want right now - Adventure, to live in another country and immerse myself in their culture, experience in a field I am interested in, helping others, and a chance to push my self-imposed boundaries and barriers, and test my values.  I have always been frustrated with materialism, and how much of it is in my life, but can I live without the things I am used to - without my car??  I would never forgive myself for quitting yet another path, before I even try.

Am I tough enough?  I guess we'll see.